20 Years of Self Delusion
“History teaches us that men behave wisely once they’ve exhausted all other alternatives.” —Hughie, Still Crazy, 1998
Some quotes feel like they were written with me in mind. This one from Still Crazy might as well have my name on it.
For years, my bad choices—too much weight and too little exercise—caused my body to improperly use insulin, leading to a substantial rise in my blood sugar. It was a condition I was diagnosed with 20 years ago: Type 2 diabetes. A week ago, I finally had to admit that I’d been acting irrationally for many years.
A normal healthy teenager could eat a big package of Skittles, four glazed donuts, a baked potato the size of a gunboat, and wash it all down with a liter of Dr. Pepper and it wouldn’t be a problem. His body would release a surge of insulin which would, in short order, bring the teen’s blood sugar back to normal.
Not That Teenager Anymore
Something as simple as a cup of rice or a couple slices of bread will cause my blood sugar to spike, and even though I have insulin in my blood stream, it does little to lower my blood glucose level because my system is now insulin resistant.
High blood sugar has a variety of unpleasant effects. For me, the most visible is a greatly increased thirst. Long before I was a diabetic I was thirstier than most people, and the disease has made that even worse. In addition, two of the anti-diabetic medications I’m on have the side effect of increased thirst. This is why you rarely see me without something to drink.
When we know that we are going to be out of the house for a few hours Becky will pack a cooler with several drinks. When I walk into a church service it’s with a Coke Zero and a bottle of water. At home, I will sometimes drink a couple of gallons of iced tea in a day. Because what goes in must come out, I can never stray far from a restroom.
The Impact of an Unquenchable Thirst
The constant need for drinks and access to restrooms means there are some kind of places I won’t go and activities I will not attempt. In addition to the constant thirst, there are other short-term effects of hyperglycemia including pronounced fatigue and blurred vision. While these can be annoying and limiting, I have become accustomed to them.
The longer-term effects of prolonged high glucose levels are much more serious and include things like blindness, nerve damage, an increased risk of strokes, and ultimately, an early death. These are things the irrational part of me minimizes as I, like so many non-diabetics, gobble up donuts, fries and Kit-Kat bars while never checking my blood sugar.
The Lies I Told Myself
I am so used to the feelings that accompany high blood sugar that I tell myself that the diabetes is irrelevant to my daily life.
It is a sad fact that many diabetics won’t worry about the serious complications of the disease until it’s too late to do anything about them; I am forced to admit that I’ve been treating my diabetes the way that Homer Simpson deals with his car’s flashing check engine light
That was the road I was on, but my eyes have been opened and I can see what awaits me if I don’t take the exit marked Healthy Life.
I know the changes I’m making are, while long delayed, rational ones. I know I’ll kick myself for waiting so long to do the right thing. Or maybe I should give myself a little credit for not exhausting all the other alternatives.
